Asking someone what they do for a living is the age old small talk ice breaker. When running into old friends or making new ones it is not likely you will escape the conversation without being asked. For stay at home moms like me, this has become a dreaded topic. Not because I feel like my work at home is any less than your work outside of the home but because of the responses (or faces) that usually follow the "I stay at home with my children" reply.
Here are some of my favorites.......
1. "I wish I could sit at home all day" - Yes, because sitting is what I get to do. Ever.
2. "It must be so nice to get to nap when you want" - What is a nap?
3. "I would get to watch all my favorite shows" - I hope your favorite shows are cartoons!
4. "You must get bored" - This is laughable.
5. "I could get all my chores done during the week instead of the weekend" - Good luck with that. Try squeezing "all" your choirs in during nap time.
I usually laugh it off because it really isn't worth my time trying to explain to them what exactly being a stay at home mom to a baby and a toddler means. It means I am a cook, a maid, a nurse, a judge, a detective, a teacher, a chauffeur, a referee, a jungle gym and a story teller. I am a lap to sit in and a shoulder to cry on. It means I am on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I don't get sick or vacation days. It means my wages come in the form of hugs and kisses.
It means I have the best job in the world!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Although we never met, we will always love you
Not many people know that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. It isn't new, it has actually been around since 1988. For some reason pregnancy and infant loss seems to be a taboo subject and people often grieve in silence. At times, I find it awkward to speak with people about my experience and am even a little uneasy about sharing my experience with you now. I believe that no matter what gestation, a baby is a life. A part of two people. A baby is loved from the very start.
In July, after Rj asked me to marry him, we decided that I would get off of my birth control so that we could start a family right after our wedding. Little did we know I would become pregnant that same month. I knew I was pregnant, I had a feeling and the stupid tests were telling me I wasn't! lol. Finally, a few days after getting a negative result I got a positive. When I got my positive test from the doctor I was 3 weeks and 6 days along. Told you I knew :)
Soon the morning sickness turned into weakness and pain. At 5 1/2 weeks I was put off of work and onto bed rest just as a precaution. I had a pretty large cyst on my right ovary and the doctor explained to me that it was probably the reason for all of the pain. Even though I wasn't well, things seemed to be progressing with the pregnancy just fine. Around 9 1/2 weeks I had a little spotting but was assured that all was well. Over the next couple of weeks I slowly started feeling better. I even mentioned to Rj that I didn't "feel pregnant" which he thought was a horrible thing to say. We started a baby book, we picked names, we started making room and we started planning for our child's future.
On October 8, 2007, I was 12 weeks and 6 days along and going in for an ultrasound. Rj had to be in Bakersfield for work so I asked my sister in-law Rachel if she would go with me so I wasn't alone. As we sat in the waiting room I was so nervous. Rachel asked me what I was worried about and I told her that I was afraid something would be wrong. I remember saying "What if there isn't a heart beat". She did her best to calm my nerves and soon I was on the table waiting for the doctor to come in. There was joy when he walked into the room. He was laughing and telling us how skilled he was and that he may even be able to take a guess at the sex. Rachel and I smiled. I was getting to see my baby and she was the first person to have a sneak preview. In that moment, all the fears I was experiencing in the waiting room were gone. Fear turned into excitement which soon turned into sorrow.
As soon as he focused in on the baby he quickly moved over to my ovary to explain the cyst was still there. I looked at him and quietly said "I saw, I know". My heart sank and everything from that moment on became surreal. It was like I was there and going through the motions but it was all passing by slowly. It was almost as if time stood still. He moved back over to the baby and showed us where the heart should be beating. No one said much. He took a few measurements and said it looked as though he had passed on a week or two before. After handing me a few sonogram pictures he left the room for me to get dressed. Rachel and I stared at each other in disbelief before we finally started crying. It was real. I was dying inside. As we went over the options with the doctor I was glazed over. I wasn't processing much and I asked Rachel if she could listen for me, if she could process it because I couldn't. I was lost inside myself. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have her there holding me up.
I made the decision to go to the hospital and have a D&C. I couldn't sit around at home and wonder when the medication would make me miscarry. Make me go into labor. My heart couldn't handle anymore. I was booked to go into the hospital the next morning. Now, to call Rj and break the news to him. I don't remember what I said, if it made sense or if he even understood it through my sobbing. We decided that we would tell Isiah together that afternoon. We all sat on the floor and cried together. It was hard explaining to a child what it all meant when I didn't even want to believe it myself.
I felt like such a failure. I felt like I had done something wrong and that I had let Rj down. For days, weeks even, I kept apologizing to him. I knew it was beyond my control but I couldn't help but feel to blame. I would play it in my head over and over. Did I do this? Should I have done this? What would have happened if? If....if....if.....
After sometime of saying "the baby" or "that pregnancy" we decided to name our baby. We named him Nathaniel. It was actually the only baby named we had discussed and agreed upon. It helped to make him more special. After all, he was our first child. He deserved to be recognized. We deserved to try and find some peace with the situation and move on.
In a few days it will be 4 years since we had to say goodbye. Over the years it has gotten a little easier but it still hurts. We still feel like there is a piece of us missing. Although we never met, we will always love you.
Let's remember together. Wave of light. October 15th.
Here is a picture from last year's wave of light.
In July, after Rj asked me to marry him, we decided that I would get off of my birth control so that we could start a family right after our wedding. Little did we know I would become pregnant that same month. I knew I was pregnant, I had a feeling and the stupid tests were telling me I wasn't! lol. Finally, a few days after getting a negative result I got a positive. When I got my positive test from the doctor I was 3 weeks and 6 days along. Told you I knew :)
Soon the morning sickness turned into weakness and pain. At 5 1/2 weeks I was put off of work and onto bed rest just as a precaution. I had a pretty large cyst on my right ovary and the doctor explained to me that it was probably the reason for all of the pain. Even though I wasn't well, things seemed to be progressing with the pregnancy just fine. Around 9 1/2 weeks I had a little spotting but was assured that all was well. Over the next couple of weeks I slowly started feeling better. I even mentioned to Rj that I didn't "feel pregnant" which he thought was a horrible thing to say. We started a baby book, we picked names, we started making room and we started planning for our child's future.
On October 8, 2007, I was 12 weeks and 6 days along and going in for an ultrasound. Rj had to be in Bakersfield for work so I asked my sister in-law Rachel if she would go with me so I wasn't alone. As we sat in the waiting room I was so nervous. Rachel asked me what I was worried about and I told her that I was afraid something would be wrong. I remember saying "What if there isn't a heart beat". She did her best to calm my nerves and soon I was on the table waiting for the doctor to come in. There was joy when he walked into the room. He was laughing and telling us how skilled he was and that he may even be able to take a guess at the sex. Rachel and I smiled. I was getting to see my baby and she was the first person to have a sneak preview. In that moment, all the fears I was experiencing in the waiting room were gone. Fear turned into excitement which soon turned into sorrow.
As soon as he focused in on the baby he quickly moved over to my ovary to explain the cyst was still there. I looked at him and quietly said "I saw, I know". My heart sank and everything from that moment on became surreal. It was like I was there and going through the motions but it was all passing by slowly. It was almost as if time stood still. He moved back over to the baby and showed us where the heart should be beating. No one said much. He took a few measurements and said it looked as though he had passed on a week or two before. After handing me a few sonogram pictures he left the room for me to get dressed. Rachel and I stared at each other in disbelief before we finally started crying. It was real. I was dying inside. As we went over the options with the doctor I was glazed over. I wasn't processing much and I asked Rachel if she could listen for me, if she could process it because I couldn't. I was lost inside myself. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have her there holding me up.
I made the decision to go to the hospital and have a D&C. I couldn't sit around at home and wonder when the medication would make me miscarry. Make me go into labor. My heart couldn't handle anymore. I was booked to go into the hospital the next morning. Now, to call Rj and break the news to him. I don't remember what I said, if it made sense or if he even understood it through my sobbing. We decided that we would tell Isiah together that afternoon. We all sat on the floor and cried together. It was hard explaining to a child what it all meant when I didn't even want to believe it myself.
I felt like such a failure. I felt like I had done something wrong and that I had let Rj down. For days, weeks even, I kept apologizing to him. I knew it was beyond my control but I couldn't help but feel to blame. I would play it in my head over and over. Did I do this? Should I have done this? What would have happened if? If....if....if.....
After sometime of saying "the baby" or "that pregnancy" we decided to name our baby. We named him Nathaniel. It was actually the only baby named we had discussed and agreed upon. It helped to make him more special. After all, he was our first child. He deserved to be recognized. We deserved to try and find some peace with the situation and move on.
In a few days it will be 4 years since we had to say goodbye. Over the years it has gotten a little easier but it still hurts. We still feel like there is a piece of us missing. Although we never met, we will always love you.
Let's remember together. Wave of light. October 15th.
Here is a picture from last year's wave of light.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Say Hello To My Little Friend
Merry early Christmas to me!!! I have to thank my wonderful in-laws and my hubby for going in together to get me my first gun! You guys are amazing. I can't even express how excited I am. It was 11 long days but she is home :)
Brand spanking new!
Rj put her together beautifully!
The smile on my face says it all (Please pay no mind to the fact that I am hot and sweaty)
Monday, September 26, 2011
Car Seat Business
While I will always know where I stand on my opinions of things, I often don't voice what side of the argument I am on because people often get defensive if it isn't their side. For all of you mothers who are reading this, it is your decision and I an not in any way attacking your parenting skills. For those of you without kiddos, this post is in regards to the new car seat laws suggesting that children be rear facing until they are 2 years old.
Car seat laws or suggestions have long been debated and I can't really understand why. If there is valid proof that your child is SAFER rear facing for longer, why would anything but even be considered? The health and safety of your child should never be up for conversation. Think about all the crazy things you hear could effect your pregnancy and without knowing if they are true or not, you abide by them. You stop drinking caffeine, you don't eat lunch meat, you don't have too much pineapple.....etc. You had control over your childs health and you still do.
I know the only reason you can come up with is "He looks squished" or "She seems uncomfortable". Think again. Unless your baby is screaming in pain (which I know they aren't) they are fine. If they are not in a comfortable position, they will move. Maybe they will stretch their feet against the seat or sit indian style. Look back to all the times you caught your child sleeping in some funky position and though "man, that can't be comfy". Well, they thought it was cause they stayed that way for hours!
We are talking large, life saving numbers here. I am not about to think I won't ever be in a situation where I have to find out if my decision changed my childs life. Car seat laws have changed so much in the last 10 years I have been raising babies and I will continue to change with them. That is, until something outrageous like strapping your kid to the outside of the car is safer comes along. Ha! You laughed and said "yeah right" didn't you? Well, that is how I feel about not listening to safety regulations. Not gonna happen.
*Here is a link to an article regarding the new laws. You can find plenty more!
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/22/health/policy/22carseat.html
Car seat laws or suggestions have long been debated and I can't really understand why. If there is valid proof that your child is SAFER rear facing for longer, why would anything but even be considered? The health and safety of your child should never be up for conversation. Think about all the crazy things you hear could effect your pregnancy and without knowing if they are true or not, you abide by them. You stop drinking caffeine, you don't eat lunch meat, you don't have too much pineapple.....etc. You had control over your childs health and you still do.
I know the only reason you can come up with is "He looks squished" or "She seems uncomfortable". Think again. Unless your baby is screaming in pain (which I know they aren't) they are fine. If they are not in a comfortable position, they will move. Maybe they will stretch their feet against the seat or sit indian style. Look back to all the times you caught your child sleeping in some funky position and though "man, that can't be comfy". Well, they thought it was cause they stayed that way for hours!
We are talking large, life saving numbers here. I am not about to think I won't ever be in a situation where I have to find out if my decision changed my childs life. Car seat laws have changed so much in the last 10 years I have been raising babies and I will continue to change with them. That is, until something outrageous like strapping your kid to the outside of the car is safer comes along. Ha! You laughed and said "yeah right" didn't you? Well, that is how I feel about not listening to safety regulations. Not gonna happen.
*Here is a link to an article regarding the new laws. You can find plenty more!
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/22/health/policy/22carseat.html
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Victory Dance Anyone?
They say it is the small victories in life that count. I don't know who they are but I sure believe their words of wisdom. I take great pleasure in what I deem to be my small victories. Sometimes, I can't help but giggle at my response to them. Usually it is "Boo-yah" or "What now?" as if I have scored some game winning touchdown. Trust me, no one wants to see my end zone dance! lol. I am sure that they were speaking of bigger things when they placed the saying on some motivational poster with a cute little kitty but tomato, tomatoe!!
1. When I can fit into a pair of jeans fresh out of the drier without doing the good ol' squat and stretch maneuver. *victory dance*
2. When I manage to get both of the boys to nap at the same time. (Mama's you know!)
3. When I go into a store and leave with only the items I intended to come for.
4. When I quickly grab hangers to hang up clothes and find that I pulled out the exact amount that I needed! Boo-ya!
5. When I manage to open the jar that Rj put the death grip on.
6. When I answer a question correctly on Jeopardy. (It may prompt me to bust out into the cabbage patch. What? That shit is hard!)
Take the time to rejoice in your small victories. The ones that I posted are silly but they keep me smiling and laughing. That's what it is all about after all, right?
1. When I can fit into a pair of jeans fresh out of the drier without doing the good ol' squat and stretch maneuver. *victory dance*
2. When I manage to get both of the boys to nap at the same time. (Mama's you know!)
3. When I go into a store and leave with only the items I intended to come for.
4. When I quickly grab hangers to hang up clothes and find that I pulled out the exact amount that I needed! Boo-ya!
5. When I manage to open the jar that Rj put the death grip on.
6. When I answer a question correctly on Jeopardy. (It may prompt me to bust out into the cabbage patch. What? That shit is hard!)
Take the time to rejoice in your small victories. The ones that I posted are silly but they keep me smiling and laughing. That's what it is all about after all, right?
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Tater Tot Casserole
I am sure that many of you have heard of or tried Tater Tot Casserole, I had not. We don't eat carbs in our house too often so when Rj got a jumbo family size bag of tater tots I saw my ass grow instantly......I mean....nope, that's what I mean. lol. I was on the hunt yesterday for something to do with them besides slapping them in the oven like the week before. I found different variations on the casserole recipe, some had meat, veggies or onions on top. A few even made me gag at the thought of eating them. So, I took what I wanted from them at made my own version. Which, I am sure if I looked hard enough is someone elses version too. Ha!
I was pretty nervous about it and of course my parents were over for dinner so I ran the risk of poisoning more people than just Rj. Awesome! It actually turned out awesome and that is why I have decided to share it with you. It was a hit with everyone!
What you need:
1 bag of frozen tater tots
1 can (10.5 oz) of condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 (16 oz) tub of sour cream
2 cups of shredded cheddar cheese.
How to:
In a 9x13 glass baking pan spread out tater tots in a single layer.
In a mixing bowl, mix soup, sour cream and 1 cup of cheese.
Pour in the pan over the tater tots and spread around equally.
Sprinkle the remaining cheese over the top.
Bake at 350° for 45 minutes.
I would like to warn you that when you scoop it out it looks like weird mush which will make you nervous. I promise however that it tastes so good!! We had just about a scoop full leftover and I ate it for breakfast mixed with some leftover brocolli. It was yummy!!
I was pretty nervous about it and of course my parents were over for dinner so I ran the risk of poisoning more people than just Rj. Awesome! It actually turned out awesome and that is why I have decided to share it with you. It was a hit with everyone!
What you need:
1 bag of frozen tater tots
1 can (10.5 oz) of condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 (16 oz) tub of sour cream
2 cups of shredded cheddar cheese.
How to:
In a 9x13 glass baking pan spread out tater tots in a single layer.
In a mixing bowl, mix soup, sour cream and 1 cup of cheese.
Pour in the pan over the tater tots and spread around equally.
Sprinkle the remaining cheese over the top.
Bake at 350° for 45 minutes.
I would like to warn you that when you scoop it out it looks like weird mush which will make you nervous. I promise however that it tastes so good!! We had just about a scoop full leftover and I ate it for breakfast mixed with some leftover brocolli. It was yummy!!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
You so crazy, I think I wanna have your baby!
In having a conversation with my husband this morning, I learned that women aren't as crazy and bitchy as men think we are. The problem lies within their selective hearing and inability to understand tone. Please see below conversation for a perfect example.
Rj: Do you need a q-tip?
Me: Yeah *opens drawer* Oh, there are none in here.
Rj: I can get you more *putting gel in hair*
Me: I can get them, you have gel all over your hands. Plus, I am not handicapped.
Here is where we take the turn. I was speaking normal and soft (well as soft as I am capable of speaking).
What Rj "heard" me say: No bastard, I can fucking get them myself. I am not fucking handicapped.
Rj: Geez babe, I was just trying to help.
Men, stop twisting shit and making us seem like the crazy ones!!
Disclaimer: No marriages were ruined during the course of this conversation. Rj and I were laughing the whole time as I accused him of "making me crazy". It is all in good fun.
Rj: Do you need a q-tip?
Me: Yeah *opens drawer* Oh, there are none in here.
Rj: I can get you more *putting gel in hair*
Me: I can get them, you have gel all over your hands. Plus, I am not handicapped.
Here is where we take the turn. I was speaking normal and soft (well as soft as I am capable of speaking).
What Rj "heard" me say: No bastard, I can fucking get them myself. I am not fucking handicapped.
Rj: Geez babe, I was just trying to help.
Men, stop twisting shit and making us seem like the crazy ones!!
Disclaimer: No marriages were ruined during the course of this conversation. Rj and I were laughing the whole time as I accused him of "making me crazy". It is all in good fun.
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